one of the side effects of moving to california that i didn't really think about when i made the move was the concept of flying home. flying from california (san jose) to massachusetts (boston) is something that can be done one of two ways.

one option is to take a direct flight. the downside of direct flights is that it's direct. no stops for a smoke break. it's six plus hours on a cramped airplane. you only get served food once, and it's airline food. if you don't happen to like what they're serving, it's a six plus hour wait until you get to boston to attempt to fill yourself with non-airline food. direct flights only happen twice (usually) a day, to boston, it's one in the early morning, and one in the afternoon. from boston, it's one in the afternoon, and one in the evening.

then shit like september 11th happens, people get afraid to fly, and because no one is travelling, they start cancelling flights. and of course, they cancel the logical ones. more on that later.

the second option, is to take a flight with a layover. i hate layovers. the san jose to boston trip lays over in chicago, the worst airport in the states. (as far as i'm concerned) you take a four and a half hour flight from san jose to chicago. stop. get off plane. walk almost a mile (inside the terminal, because they always stop you at the *very* last gate) from your gate to the outside world, to get some non-recycled, perhaps nicotine enhanced air. long lined security checkpoints to get in. then, you wait for your hour layover. maybe get a drink and a snack for twice what they're worth at chilli's or the airport bar. back outside for more nicotine enhanced air. back in through the long lines of security checkpoints. then you truck it back another mile to your gate, and get on a different, more ghetto plane for the last leg of the trip, a three hour jaunt from chicago to boston.

the bonus of this trip, is of course the bar and smoke break in the middle of the trip. you also get a break in the middle if you don't like the six plus hour flights. you can stretch your legs while you truck the mile from one end of the terminal to the other. the downside is that you take a trip that could be six hours, and make it eight or more.

conceptually, you could spend an entire day travelling. you leave ass early in the morning to get to the airport. you arrive two hours early to wait in line to check your bags. you wait in the newly slowed down security lines. you wait in line a starfcuks to get your overpriced caffine high that will last you the extra hour that you still have to wait before the plane starts boarding and they randomly (how can it be random, when i always get picked?) rummage through your bags all over again. board plane, wait in line to take off. fly the four and a half hours to chicago. single serving movie, drink, and breakfast during the flight. chicago, you de-board the plane, walk a mile to the outdoors for your non-recycled, perhaps nicotine enhanced air. wait in line for the security checkpoints to get back into the airport. then, you wait for your hour layover. back another mile to your gate, where you wait to board, wait to take off, and then the three hour jaunt from chicago to boston, where there is no single serving movie, or food, but you do get a drink. yay! then, off the plane, through the terminal maze, and guess what? you wait some more for your bags to get delivered from the plane. by this time, and because of the time difference it's practially night time, and you've just lost a whole day. time to start (or continue) drinking.

today's flight was extra special. as i was printing out my e-ticket last night, i noticed that they had changed my previously booked direct flight into the ever hated chicago layover flight(s). instantanious irritation. called the emergency amex-one call center. complained. it turned out that they cancelled my 8am flight because there weren't enough passengers. without telling me. bastards. then, they rescheduled me to an *earlier* flight that would have required me to arrive at the airport at 4am. screw that. i ain't waking up that early. so i rescheduled for the afternoon flight, and gave up yelling at them.

one thing to remember next time that you're flying: don't fcuk with the security people. why? because there's trigger-happy army follk behind them with fully loaded ak-47's.

so, when they ask to check your bags, say "sure", they don't like it if you say no. they didn't find it funny.