i sit at the computer. the t.v. in the corner is on, and i'm half watching. it if wasnt on, the room would be almost silent. dead siilent. the silence that fills an unpopulated room.

the only sounds would be the occasional keystrokes on the keyboard. the clicking of the mouse. the creak in my leather desk chair as i lean back. the computer's fans humming beside the desk.

i kill the t.v. to go to bed, and walk to the kitchen to make sure that the back door is locked. i look into the sink and remind myself that i should clean last night's dishes and pans sometime soon. the stove hasn't been cleaned since the louis and cindy stir-fry night. but i've been unmotivated to do anything about it. i shut off the stove light, and wander around the corner into the living room, stopping at the doorway to look.

the room is huge, open and empty. the new couch, that jackie and i picked out months ago, sits in the corner, unused and untouched. her papasan chair still had the pillows on it, the way she liked to sit. it hasn't been touched since she left, only having been move from the corner to the end of the couch. her piano gathers dust against the opposite wall.

i think that i realize now what i have been attempting to put out of my mind. i'm totally alone. my girlfriend, or my "old lady" as sean would put it, is on the east coast. over four hundred dollars away. i've got no close friends out here, save eric who is sporadic, and hasn't called or talked to me in weeks.

everyone whom i care about and talk to is on the east coast. jackie is home, finding herself. jhynn is having a bad week. trish is hating her job. louis is realizing how hard it is to run a buinsess and be a full time student at the same time. ken is attempting to learn the mac os, so that he can play with his new titanium g4.devin is enjoying being 21, and college life.ed is having a war with ups. sean and cullen are enjoying sean's new ps2.

but... they're all back east. i'm out here, on the complete opposite coast, finally accomplishing a dream of living in california. but somehow, it's not the same. i'm all alone. my "support group" is over the phone. but i miss their faces. i miss doing the stupid things that we used to do together.

i'm trying to manage being alone and the extreme prices of living in the silicon valley. but i'm doing it alone.

and the unisom kicks in.

<passes out>