i don't want to program anymore. i don't want to design anything. nothing excites me. work has gotten better, but i waited so long for it to get to this point that i don't care about any of it.

i'm trying to find something better, but nothing seems to work. no one responds. no one returns my phone calls. i get the standard "thank you for your interest, someone will contact you if your skills match any of our open positions" email more times than i can remember.

it's depressing me. i feel worthless. it's as if i suddenly suck at what i do. it's making me want to give it all up and start something else. but at the same time, that's not something that i really want to do.

i want to run away. forqet everything that's keeping me in this city and get the hell out of dodge. but i can't afford to pay my bills, much less go anywhere.

so, i'm stuck. and i hate being stuck.